scotty wOT U doin? (CREATIVE NON-FIC)
Is Scott Morrison a psychopath? I swear he’s only capable of empathy when it comes to him through his wife and her way of clarifying things.
He’s a still life painted by a five-year-old at an all-boys school. He’s stuck up on the fridge with his back to the wall, all of him cold and stainless steel. Maybe he is the refrigerator. If you opened him up and looked inside, all you’d find would be beers for the boys, maybe some moscato in the back if you’re lucky, ladies. He’s out of date, out of shape, out of breath. He’s stale air farted into the microphone that interrupts every woman’s best interests.
Scotty is fresh out of fucks to give; he hasn’t had a holiday since his Hawaii trip got trumped by trolls. His mate Trump keeps messaging him on iMessage. Scotty can’t work out how to switch off the feature that tells Trump he’s leaving him on read. He wants to reply but ugh g2g work 🤪🤪 you know what it’s like mate.
Nah mate, tell me what it’s like to run a country. Tell me what it’s like to lead. Is that what they’re calling it these days? You’re such a good father, is that what they’re saying? That’s your brand, but mine is famously fatherless. So what can you offer me, Scotty? What have you got for me?
Scotty’s Wikipedia:
Morrison grew up in the suburb of Bronte. He had a brief career as a child actor, appearing in several television commercials and small roles in local shows. Some reports have suggested that he was the iconic 1970s Vicks "Love Rub" kid, but footage to confirm or refute this has not been found; he has stated he was in a different Vicks commercial. He attended Sydney Boys High School before going on to complete a Bachelor of Science (B.Sc.) honours degree in applied economic geography at the University of New South Wales. He contemplated studying theology at Regent College in Vancouver, Canada, but he instead chose to enter the workforce after completing his undergraduate education, in part due to the disapproval of his father.
Scotty wanted to study Gods but his daddy issues pushed him toward politics instead. Now he’s our dumb nation’s dumb dad. God love him.
When I got baptised into the church of Hillsong at age 18, I stuck my small baptism certificate on the fridge as though it was something I’d done good. I let my life fall by the wayside when I let God lead me. I stayed in an abusive relationship with a man of God, probably because I didn’t know my father. I didn’t get political. I figured God would figure that out.
I figure Scotty feels the same about his wife and God; they’ll figure it out. Scotty’s all figures and gacked facts. That’s politics. He’s our prepped and primed minister. He wanted to start a ministry. Close enough.
Question for Scotty: How long are we going to expect women behind the scenes to do the unpaid emotional labour required to make our leaders human enough to understand how to respond to the actual harm caused by men that look like leaders? How long until those women get a chance to lead, rather than gently coaxing men over the paternal hopscotches so that they can draw conclusions in such a way that their PR team can congratulate them, stick em on the fridge, call it a day, file it for the next election; ‘look what we did good’?? Did we do good??? Am I a good boy?? Good girl?? Scotty???
